From the ‘utterly useless souvenir’ category comes the following:  scented clocks, clothing for your wine bottle, leis made out of dog-biscuits and a duster shaped like a hula dancer.

I can only imagine the tough time someone must have had trying to come up with ways to market these…Judging from the dust that was collecting on some of them (I took all of the photos in an ABC store in Waikiki) it doesn’t look they were very successful.

‘Course, their products would probably fare far better if they hired me to write their advertising slogans for them…Dontchya think?

Tired of your clock smelling like plastic?  Then why not buy one that’s not only shaped like a Hawaiian tropical flower but smells like one too!  Next time you have friends over and they say:  “Hey, that’s a nice flower perfume you’re wearing!” you can impress them by saying, “Nah, it’s not me you’re smelling, it’s my clock!”

You’ll never have to worry again about your friends thinking you’re cheap for bringing that Cisco Strawberry Fruit wine to their dinner party.  Just dress the bottle up in it’s snazzy hula girl costume and everyone will be too impressed by how classy and clever you are to notice the $2.95 price tag.

Your roommate may think you’re crazy for using a barbie doll to clean the lamp shade, but you’ll be having too much fun to care.  Hula Duster is the fun way to clean!  It also multi-functional!  It works great as a back-scratcher and should you find yourself stranded somewhere without a shovel and in need of digging a giant hole in the mud, The Hula Duster makes for a handy Hula Digger too.

Dog bone leis make great gifts and stalking stuffers.  Unlike flower leis, they won’t wilt or die and they’ll stay fresh for so long, you could practically leave them buried in your backyard and they’d still retain that beautiful Hawaiian, dog-bone smell.  The leis come in three varieties of scents:  Chicken Liver, Smoked Pig and Spam.

Reannon Muth

Reannon Muth is a full-time writer, social media consultant and owner and manager of the Taken by the Wind travel blog. Born in Hawaii, Reannon has lived in five countries, at Disney World and on a cruise ship. She currently lives in fabulous Las Vegas.